It’s weird that pirates would go from shore to shore looking for buried treasure when the real treasure was in the friendships they were making
i do this cute thing where i zone out when you’re talking and then say ‘huh’ after 15 seconds
first rule of fight club is no fighting, this is actually contradiction club, take a seat and don’t take a seat, also this isn’t contradiction club
Oscars Drinking Game
- take a shot every time seth macfarlane doesn’t make you laugh
- don’t do this you are going to die
spelling bee moderator: contestant 142, your word is “fergalicious”
contestant: *looks around nervously* um… could i please have a definition?
moderator: *flips through dictionary* “fergalicious. definition: make them boys go loco.”
‘you’re saying things at me and i dont know how to respond’ a novel by me
fun prank: replace sugar packets at restaurants with cocaine
In hindsight, the dedicated beard dryer was a mistake.